When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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