When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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