When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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