When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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