When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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