When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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