When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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