When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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