When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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