When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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