When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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