When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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