When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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