When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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