When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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