When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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