When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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