When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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