When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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