When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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