When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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