When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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