When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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