When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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