When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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