When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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