When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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