When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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