When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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