When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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