When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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