When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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