When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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