When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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