When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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