When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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