When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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