When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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