When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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