When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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