When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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