When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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