When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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