When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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