When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.

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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.

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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.

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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet

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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.

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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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