When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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