When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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