When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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