When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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