When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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