When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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