When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.

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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.

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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.

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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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