When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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