When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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