When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.
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