When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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