When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.

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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish

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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.

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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!

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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.

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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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