When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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