When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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