When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.

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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.

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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.

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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.

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