When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

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What did the baby corn ask the mother corn?

Where is pop corn?
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.

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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.

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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!

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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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