When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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