When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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