When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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