Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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