Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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