Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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