Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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