Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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