Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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