Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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