Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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