Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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