Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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