Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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