Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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