Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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