Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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