Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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