Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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