Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.

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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut

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