Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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