Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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