Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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