Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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