Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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