Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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