Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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