Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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