Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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