Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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