Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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