Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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