Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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