Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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