Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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