Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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