Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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