Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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