Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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