Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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