Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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