Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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