Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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