Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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