Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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