Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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