Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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