Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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