Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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