Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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