Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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