Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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