Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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