Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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