Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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