Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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