Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!

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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.

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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.

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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board

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