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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?
At forks in the road.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why do pandas like old movies?
Because they are black and white.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.
I said, "Are you two an item?"
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What bone will a dog never eat?
A trombone.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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Which day do fish hate?
Fryday
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?
An onion
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?
I wuv you watts and watts.
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