Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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