Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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