Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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