Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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