Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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