Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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