Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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