Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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