Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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