Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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