Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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