Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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