Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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