Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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