Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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