Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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