Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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