Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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