Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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