Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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