Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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