Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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