Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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