Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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