Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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