Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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