Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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