Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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