Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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