Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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