Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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