Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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