Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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