Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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