Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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