Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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