Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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