Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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