Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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