Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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