Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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