Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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