Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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