Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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