Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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