Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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