Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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