Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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