Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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