Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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