Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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