Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas

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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood

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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.

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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.


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What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!

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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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