Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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