Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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