Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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