Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?

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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.

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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.

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