Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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