Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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