Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.

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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.

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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)

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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck

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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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