Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.

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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.

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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.

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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.

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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit

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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.

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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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