Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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