Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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