Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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