Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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