Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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