Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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