Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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A seal walks into a club...
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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