Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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