Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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