Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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