Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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