Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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