Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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