Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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