Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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