Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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