Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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