Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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