Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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