Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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