Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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