Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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