Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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