Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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