Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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