Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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