Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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