Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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