Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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