Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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