Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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