Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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