Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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