Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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