Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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