Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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