Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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