Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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