Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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