Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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