Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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