Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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