Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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