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Where do fish keep their money?
In a river bank
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?
Sell it and buy a violin
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What's the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has the most stories.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".
I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?
When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
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What is a tornado's favorite game?
Twister!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.
It's Hans free.
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