Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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