Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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