Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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