Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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