Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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