Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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