Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.

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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.

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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.

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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.

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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.

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