Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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