Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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