Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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