Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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