Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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