Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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