Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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