Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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