Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!

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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.

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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.

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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.

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