Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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