Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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