Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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