Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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