Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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