Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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