Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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