Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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