Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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