Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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