Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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