Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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