Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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