Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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