Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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