Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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