Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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