Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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