Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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