Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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