Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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