Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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