Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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