Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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