Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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