Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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