Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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