Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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