Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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