Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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