Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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