Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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