Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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