Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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