Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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