Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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