Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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