Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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