Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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