Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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