Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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