Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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