Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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