Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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