Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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