Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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