Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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