Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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