Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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