Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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