Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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