Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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