Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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