Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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