Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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