Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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