Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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