Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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