Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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