Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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