Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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