Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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