Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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