Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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