Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.

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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?

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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!

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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)

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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.

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