Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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