Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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