Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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