Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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