Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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