Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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