Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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