Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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