Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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