Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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