Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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