Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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