Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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