Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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