Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?

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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.

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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.

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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.

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