Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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