Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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