Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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