Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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A seal walks into a club...
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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