Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Can you use pink,yellow and green in a sentence?

. The phone went green green, and I pinked it up and said yellow.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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