Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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