Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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