Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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