Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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Dorian Gray Jokes,

they never get old!
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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