Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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