Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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