Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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