Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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