Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

Ask Cheese.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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