Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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