Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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