Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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