Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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