Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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