Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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