Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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