Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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