Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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