Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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