Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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