Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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