Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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