Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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