Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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