Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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