Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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