Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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