Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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