Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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