Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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