Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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