Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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