Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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