Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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