Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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