Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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