Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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