Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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