Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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