Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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