Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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