Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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