Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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