Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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