Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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