Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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