Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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