Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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