Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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