Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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