Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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