Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.

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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang

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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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