Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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