Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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