Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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