Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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