Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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