Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.

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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.

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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.

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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang

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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.

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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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