Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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