Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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