Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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