Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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