Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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