Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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