Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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