Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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