Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.

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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!

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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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