Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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