Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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