Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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