Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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