Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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