Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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