Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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