Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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