Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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