Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk

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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.

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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.

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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.

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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.

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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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