Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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