Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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