Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.

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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated

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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.

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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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