Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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