Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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