Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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