Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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