Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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