Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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