Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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