Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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