Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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