Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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