Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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