Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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