Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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