Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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