Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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