Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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