Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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