Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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