Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?

This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile . . .
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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