Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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