Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.

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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow

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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.

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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.

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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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