Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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