Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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