Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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Name four men that are in a rock group together but none of them sing nor play music...

Mt Rushmore. They're a rock group.. it's a rock...group
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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