Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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