Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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