Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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