Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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