Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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