Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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