Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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