Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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