Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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