Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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