Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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