Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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