Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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