Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit

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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.

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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.

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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood

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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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