Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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