Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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