Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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