Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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