Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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