Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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