Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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