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Where does Friday come before Monday?
In the dictionary.
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What is a boxer's favorite drink?
Punch.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?
Santa paws!!!
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?
Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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How does a penguin build it's house?
Igloos it together.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.
Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?
A crossing guard.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?
Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite
......... one jar.
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Depends on what you want to change it into.
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