Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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