Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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