Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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