Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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