Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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