Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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