Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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