Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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