Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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