Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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