Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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