Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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