Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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