Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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