Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card

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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon

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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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