Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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