Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies

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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.

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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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