Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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