Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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