Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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