Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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