Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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