Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!

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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986

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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.

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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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