Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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