Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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