Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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