Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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