Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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