Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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