Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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