Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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