Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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