Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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