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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?
A parking meteor!
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?
A pair of Re-Bachs.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?
Ice cream.
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What does GOP stand for?
Grabs Our Pussy.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?
He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?
Santa paws!!!
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?
White vans.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?
Because people are dying to get in!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?
The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.
I can hardly contain myself.
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