Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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