Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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