Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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