Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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