Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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