Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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