Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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