Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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