Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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