Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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