Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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