Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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