Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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