Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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