Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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