Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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