Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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