Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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