Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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