Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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