Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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