Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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