Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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