Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.

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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.

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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...

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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.

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