Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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