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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?
Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?
No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?
Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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How does the ocean say hello?
It waves.
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Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?
Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.
But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?
Snow balls!
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What do Santa's elves drive?
Minivans.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me
Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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