Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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