Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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