Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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