Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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