Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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