Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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