Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!


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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me

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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.

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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''

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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.

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