Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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