Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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