Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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