Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish

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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.

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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated

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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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