Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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