Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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