Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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