Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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