Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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