Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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