Which day do fish hate?

Fryday

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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.

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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.

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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."

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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".

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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.

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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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