Which day do fish hate?

Fryday

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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.

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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated

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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!

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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)

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