Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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