Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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