Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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