Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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