Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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