Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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