Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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