Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.

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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.

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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.

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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?

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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.

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