Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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