Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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