Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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