Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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