Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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