Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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