Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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