Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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