Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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