Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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