Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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