Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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