Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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