Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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