Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

Ask Cheese.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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