Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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