Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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