Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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