Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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