Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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