Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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