Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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