Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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