Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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