Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

Ask Cheese.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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