Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

Ask Cheese.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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