Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

Ask Cheese.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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