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Which search engine is popular amongst mice?
Ask Cheese.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?
In his trunk
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn't put it down.
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Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?
"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why did the cow cross the road?
Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?
"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"
I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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