Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

Ask Cheese.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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