Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

Ask Cheese.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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