Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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