Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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