Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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