Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.

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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card

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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?

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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?

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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.

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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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