Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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