Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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