Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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