Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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