Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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