Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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