Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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