Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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