Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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