Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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