Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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