Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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