Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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