Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How many BBS jokers does it take to tell yet another LBJ?

1,622. One to tell the original joke, and the rest to submit give some minor variation of it! For example:
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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