Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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