Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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