Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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