Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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