Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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