Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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