Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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