Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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