Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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