Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.

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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic

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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.

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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.

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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).


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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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