Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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