Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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