Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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