Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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