Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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