Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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