Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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