Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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