Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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