Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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