Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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