Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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