Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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