Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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