Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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