Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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