Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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