Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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