Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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