Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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