Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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