Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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