Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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