Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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A seal walks into a club...
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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