Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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