Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.

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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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