Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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