Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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