Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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