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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?
A taxi driver.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?
Because he was under cover.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?
Bugs Bunny.
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?
None, because they were copycats
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
The caterer.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?
An in-car-nation.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?
Quark!
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?
Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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