Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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