Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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