Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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