Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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