Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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