Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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