Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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