Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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