Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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