Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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