Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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