Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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