Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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