Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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