Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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