Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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