Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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