Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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