Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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