Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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