Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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