Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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