Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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