Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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