Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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