Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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