Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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