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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?
Because you can see right through them!
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How are elephants and trees alike?
They both have trunks
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?
Booberries!
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What bone will a dog never eat?
A trombone.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?
Slippers!
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?
So he could grade his eggs.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?
The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?
They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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