Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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