Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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