Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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