Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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