Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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