Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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