Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.


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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish

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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake

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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"

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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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