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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?
Because you can see right through them!
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Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.
It's a total rip-off.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?
From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What did one titration say to the other?
"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?
A funky chicken.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,
but I don't want one of them for my husband".
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What did the flag say to the pole?
Nothing, it just waved.
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