Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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