Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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