Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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