Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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