Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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