Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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