Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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