Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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