Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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