Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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