Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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