Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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