Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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