Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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