Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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