Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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