Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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