Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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