Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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