Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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