Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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