Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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