Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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