Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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