Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze

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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.

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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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