Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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