Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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