Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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