Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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