Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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