Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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