Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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