Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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