Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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