Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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