Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.

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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.

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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.

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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.

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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.

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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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