Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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