Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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