Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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