Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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