Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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