Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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