Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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