Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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