Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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