Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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