Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.

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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.

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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.

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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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