Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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