Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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