Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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