Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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