Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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