Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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