Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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