Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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