Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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