Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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