Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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