Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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