Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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