Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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