Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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