Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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