Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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