Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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